Yes, we see those ads on television promising us an experience of utter softness out of this world. Unfortunately, when coming to this experience, my hopes have been raised to a proportion unfair to the actual quality of the tissue.There are times, in the year, when one hardly looks at a box of tissues, only using them to give the TV a good scrub before important acquaintances pay us a visit. However, everyone has been through the stage when, for several weeks, the humble box of tissues becomes one's faithful companion.
This would be the Cold season.
Colds are funny things. They creep up on you when you are least expecting it. Then they strike one morning, as you wake up, and realise that only one nostril is serviceable and the other has leaked all over your pillow. They are never so bad that you have to stay home from work, but always bad enough to keep up a constant beat of sniffing. In silence with a cohort of twenty others, these sniffs bear likeness to wearing bright orange to a funeral.
I take myself back to the good old primary school days when tissues were provided by the students, each bringing in a box for the year. My good old mother would always provide me with a box of the highest quality kleenex. However, try as we might, there are always the few that bring in the generic branded box, guaranteeing a one-ply-sandpaper experience. When my nose had reached bursting point I was forced to step out of the classroom and use some of these tissues.
Well. I would blow, and such an onslaught of discharge would follow that five tissues wouldn't have done the trick. I am forced to hold that wet tissue to my face, with green slime dripping down my face, as I try to conspicuously reach into the classroom for another handful. Of course, conspicuous isn't allowed in the classroom, and although no one ever says anything about it, you are mentally branded "The Snot Queen" and are forced to bear that name for the rest of the year.
My father has the ability to use one tissue for any and all occasions. It doesn't matter how much red cordial was spilled on the carpet, or how much vomit was on his brand new trousers, if we moved our hand toward the box to pull out a new one, we were dead meat. I have the feeling that in his past, his school provided the tissues.
All I am saying is that Tissues are underrated and overused. Someone needs to bring something quiet and mess-free onto the market. Something that will curb embarrassment and make the cold season a pleasant journey.
All the same, it is rather funny.
